I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I stole a fireplace last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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