if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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