I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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