Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
im on a boat
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