Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
