I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
