note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
