Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I love you.
Bad choice
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