Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
