he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
