I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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