i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
