just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
