Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
