I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
