he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
