Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
