in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
