he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
