; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
