First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
