I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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