i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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