he shaved USA in his pubs
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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