At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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