Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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