Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
