Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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