he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
