On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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