dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
