WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
