I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
