I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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