Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
