When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
