I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
