dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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