i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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