Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
