It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
