I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I smell stomach acid.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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