so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
