PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
