No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
