Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
