32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
