So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
