i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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