You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
