He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
