apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
