I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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