Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
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Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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