Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
