listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
