I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The struggles of a small town man whore
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
