I seem to have left my pride at pride
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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