You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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