Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize