i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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