There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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