She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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