I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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