the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
