Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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