Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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