I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
