Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
