Can i not drive my cunt home
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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