she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize