...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
