I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
