So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I didn't notice because vodka
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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