he shaved USA in his pubs
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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